Dekalog pracownika korporacji.


Tagi: dekalog, korpo, poradnik, humor | Opublikowane:


Minęło już trochę czasu, odkąd pierwszy raz w życiu przekroczyłem drzwi biurowca w którym mieści się siedziba międzynarodowej firmy. Oczywiście, tak jak zresztą prawie każdy, zakładałem, że jest to przejściowy etap i ja tutaj jestem tylko na chwilę.

Także tego, ja się nawet nie będę rozpłaszczał, bo nim się nie obejrzycie, to mnie już tutaj nie będzie.
Pamiętam te słowa jakbym wypowiadał je dzisiaj rano.
Okazało się, że wyroki boskie są niczym strategia korporacji i lubią zaskakiwać. Ciągle tkwię i ciągle mam nadzieję, że to nie potrwa już zbyt długo. Z zerwaniem z korpo jest jak z zagadaniem do dziewczyny- trzeba się odważyć. Ja nigdy śmiałości do kobiet nie miałem.
Będąc jeszcze uczniem, biegałem za Sandrą z 2B i ciągle mówiłem, że zrobię ten krok i zagadam. Jakież było moje zdziwienie, gdy po czasie dowiedziałem się, że w jej przypadku nie trzeba było nawet gadać, wystarczyło postawić piwo w pubie. Dowiedziałem się tego od kolegi, podobnie jak dzisiaj dowiaduję się od znajomych, że życie po korpo istnieje. O dowodach na istnienie życia po korporacji będę pisał kiedy indziej. Teraz do rzeczy.

Czyli do Ciebie, drogi czytelniku. Ja ciągle planuję ucieczkę, ale być może z Tobą jest inaczej. Istnieje szansa, że gdy podczas rozmowy kwalifikacyjnej zadano Ci pytanie:
– Gdzie Pan się widzi za pięć lat?
I odpowiedziałeś:
– W dużej, stabilnej organizacji na stanowisku starszego specjalisty, w Państwa organizacji oczywiście.
To odpowiadałeś szczerze. Jako jedyny.
I właśnie dla Ciebie przygotowałem dekalog pracownika korporacji.

I. Nie będziesz miał cudzych firm obok Mnie!
Nie będziesz flirtował z innymi firmami ani odbierał telefonów od rekruterów pracujących dla konkurencji. Być może ktoś powie Ci, że to zdrowo przejść się czasem na rozmowę kwalifikacyjną, ale czy Ty jesteś chory? Czy coś Ci dolega? Chcesz być zdrowy to lepiej się odżywiaj i jedz więcej warzyw i owoców. Owoców, które my czasami zapewnimy Ci z funduszu socjalnego. Są specjalnie dla Ciebie, od firmy. Za darmo. Odciągniemy Ci z wypłaty kasę za podatek, ale przyznasz, że to sprawiedliwa cena.

II. Nie będziesz brał imienia Firmy Swojej nadaremnie.
Przestrzegam Cię, abyś nie nadużywał nazwy Swojej Firmy. Zwłaszcza na zewnątrz i na portalach społecznościowych. Twoja Firma nie pozostawi bezkarnie tego, który wzywa Jej Nazwę nie wtedy kiedy trzeba. Albo mówi źle na jej temat. Albo mówi o jej tajemnicach. Albo rozmawia o tym co robi w pracy. Z kimkolwiek. Kiedykolwiek.

III. Pamiętaj, abyś dzień pracy święcił.
Pięć dni (przynajmniej) wykonywać będziesz roboty swoje ale i w dzień wolny Firma Twoja może zażądać od Ciebie świadectwa oddania. Jako i Pan Bóg sam przez sześć dni czynił niebo i ziemię, i morze, i wszystko, co w nich jest, a odpoczął dnia siódmego, tak i Ty winnyś gotowym być na dodatkową pracę.

IV. Czcij kierownika Twego i team leaderkę Twoją.
A wszystko po to, abyś długo chodził po ziemi czy openspejsie, którą Twoja Firma Tobie podarowała. I aby dobrze się wiodło Tobie i Twemu ludowi.

V. Nie będziesz zabijał.
Ducha pracy w zespole swoim.

VI. Nie będziesz cudzołożył.
W Twojej Firmie wiele jest dziewczyn, ale nie zerknie na nie wzrok Twój pożądliwy. W Firmie Twojej niegodne jest niemoralne prowadzenie się. Chyba, że w delegacji, ale wtedy Firma nie widzi.

VII. Nie będziesz kradł…
Jedzenia z lodówki i mleka do kawy. Pieniędzy Twej Firmy też nie, ale z tym nie ma problemu, tego się doliczy.

VIII. Nie będziesz mówił fałszywego świadectwa przeciw Firmie Twojej.
Kłamstwo nie będzie na Twych ustach gościło, gdyż nie splamisz honoru Swego i Firmy Twej świadectwem plugawym. Nawet jeżeli Firma na to zasłużyła. Nawet na Facebooku.

IX. Nie będziesz pożądał stanowiska pracy bliźniego Twego.
Niechajby to stanowisko było ciekawsze i z widokiem z okna na świątynie. Nie będziesz z zazdrością czyhał na to miejsce i wykorzystując chwilową nieobecność bliźniego nie zajmiesz jego krzesła, gdyż wyregulowanie oparcia zajęło mu długie miesiące.

X. Ani żadnej rzeczy, która jego jest.
Ani długopisu jego, ani obowiązków jego, czy pensji jego. Nawet jeżeli uważasz, że to właśnie Tobie się należy.

Mam nadzieję, że byłem pomocny. Dzięki zastosowaniu tego dekalogu, możesz bardzo łatwo odnaleźć się w życiu biurowym. Nie musisz dziękować. Stosuj go tak często, jak często w swym życiu stosujesz prawdziwy Dekalog. Zauważ, że kościół wiele ma wspólnego z korporacją. Zupełnie przypadkiem…chyba…

Źródło: http://swobodnie.eu/

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